It was soon a case of being back into the ‘London routine’. On Saturday 15th April, 1989 I was writing:
‘Stoned at the LA last night. Went there after my first shift at LLGS (Lesbian and Gay Switchboard) for years, strange feeling to be back there again, nothing had changed- but I had. Went by myself to the LA but Joe suddenly came out of the crowd with a friend, Paul. I hadn’t expected him to be there. Realised he is a real lynch pin for people though and holds things together, creating a sense of order and purpose in his own way. His banter is as good as Mark S ‘s too. Almost as good anyway. Some bad news though.. it seems the LA is about to be put up for sale and up for redevelopment, which is a great shame, as it’s a real gem on the London scene and very special to many people as a result. Realised that there’s a fascinating and very complex system that operates downstairs there, something like an inner city gyratory. I think I must have been quite stoned’.
Then, a week later, Saturday, April 21st, in much the same vein:
Went to The Bell tonight with Joe and Sean. Met a lovely guy called Andy, who was pretty inexperienced but we got chatting and had a good time: some kissing. Problem was it all happened in front of Joe and that is not something I‘m very proud of. Sean wasn‘t at all impressed and said so! However, on Sunday evening we (Joe and I both got pretty stoned and had a good old giggle together. Joe really emphasises with me in a way nobody else ever has, in that state, which is great. In fact it‘s like having a different relationship on another plane-a first for me).
On Tuesday May 2nd, I first met with a term that I hadn’t come into contact with before though:
Today at the Burlington (an upmarket gym and sauna in Piccadilly that Switchboarders got in free to) met another nice guy, quite tall, a little thin but nice body nevertheless, called James. He wanted me to go to the ‘Daisychain’ later in Brixton. He said he is into vogueing evidently there and not to worry if he was vogueing and didn’t come straight up to me. Vogueing- so what exactly is that? In the event I didn’t go. On Sunday we all went to the Bell, me, Joe, the two french guys I have staying, Alan, Richie, Jeff and later Michael turned up. Quite fun- but I was both stoned and tired by the end.
On Wednesday May 10th, I was summing up the kind of week when all suddenly seems good and right in the world, and problems seem far away:
Been a great, really summery week. Went up to the Heath three times in this last week (not cruising, just with friends) Sunday with Andy, Monday with Joe and then to the William Fourth (a very well established gay pub in Hampstead, that is, remarkably, still going strong thirty years later) with Steve B. Hampstead Health is a marvellous place: one of London‘s greatest facilities and its best kept secret, in some respects. How can somewhere so green, quiet and wooded be so centrally placed?
Attended the Manchester MESMAC set up meeting too, at the weekend. Good hotel at the Copthorne in Salford Quays. Liverpool FC were playing at Old Trafford on the Sunday and the team were staying there too. Some pretty hunky guys. I swear as I went past a group of them, I heard one joke to another about eyeing up a guys bum again .. though it seems rather unlikely in retrospect.Though maybe not? Am left wondering what stories the waiters and room service could tell? Everybody seems pretty happy at the moment. Summers coming.
But then, as tended to happen fairly regularly, things went downhill. On Thursday May 11th:
Back to earth with a bump. The BMP creatives presented two more creative ideas for the men’s campaign today. Finally! I was lost for words with one, which showed two women up close looking into each other’s eyes with the caption ‘If you thought safer sex was dull perhaps these two could tell you a thing or two’. I suppose I get where they are coming from but will it wash in pre test research I wonder;I doubt it. I find it politically ok but safer sex has never worked because it was politically correct. How much longer should I stay at the HEA l wonder? This is what I get to call my ‘establishment period’ I guess. Today it feels like it’s gone on far too long already.
However, some weeks passed, without any further great dramas. By Monday 29th May, a Bank Holiday, the sun was shining and London was at its best:
A picnic on the Heath on Sunday, with Mark S, his boyfriend Charles G, Joe, David B and his boyf Malcolm T (really nice guy- and sexy with it).Seems he’s an artist. Got on well with David B too, which was nice. All back to Somerstown for tea, then onto David’s place and then onto the Bell. Quite fun but oh, so smoky. Evidently,Joe tells me I fell asleep towards the end.
Then the following day, Tuesday 30th May:
One of those strange days.I finished reading ‘Sherbet Lemons’(Sucking Sherbert Lemons (with preview) by Michael Carson, 1988, an engaging coming out story, and now a trilogy) and crying at the end. Crying for my lost youth, yet realising its hero ‘Benson’ was very much like myself in some ways. We do not become men from being boys. This whole concept of ‘you’re a boy, now you’re a man is crap. We are spiritual beings enclosed in a decomposing (but often still intrinsically beautiful) shell. Yet what is beauty? In the eye of the beholder.
Some bad news today, it seems that Jonathan Grimshaw (who was the Body Positive group rep on the Men’s Advisory Group) has PCP related pneumonia and has been into hospital. I feel concerned and sad for him. And what of Dennis’s many friends who are dying. Sometimes it feels we are all soldiers in a battle, riding out the storm we have unwittingly created. Is the real crime to perpetuate the battle by having sexual intercourse unsafely?
Things were soon brighter though, as by Sunday, 4th June, I was writing:
To Charles G’s party on Saturday. Almost fun, mainly due to the attentions of Malcolm T who is an absolute scream. I love him wildly for it. One of the funniest, original people I’ve met in a long time. He’s devoted to David, who is a lucky man. Switchboard shift this evening, Philip R on: warm and welcoming. Nice.
There followed a break, as I went off to Ibiza for ten days with Joe. I had developed a hispanophile bent by the late eighties, though some will argue that Ibiza is not really truly Spain anyway. A lot of my life was going to revolve about Spain though in the years to come, with many journeys, lovers, life lessons and good times but that is all another story that will have to wait for now (I intend to cover it all in a seperate book as part 3 of this trilogy).
Sex, love and life (The Sacrifice) 3.10 Two steps forward, one step back
