It was remarkable how many gay magazines BMP was finding to place the ads in,
quite a few I had never heard of. Suddenly, there were to be quite large amounts of cash though, going into a lot of the gay press, as ‘Ritts men’ would be going in, week after week. But I was painfully aware that the Ritts men were quite ‘bland’ in relation to the tastes of many gay men. They were young, white, hairless and looked ‘American’. Very clearly they were not going to be everyone’s taste. So, for some time, a period ensued when I desperately wanted us to develop more creative briefs (maybe Marky Marks) that would portray a wider range of (sexy) images, better representing the real gay community, but this would now need to wait for another year’s budget to become available. Every year we had to submit a plan to the Department of Health for how we intended to spend the budget.
By Wednesday 18th January I am writing:
‘Onwards to the denouncement. The finished gay work went right up to Mellor to be signed off this afternoon via Susan Perl & Spencer Haggard (the Chief Executive of the HEA at that time). I await the comments (probably tomorrow) with trepidation. It‘s pretty high level now and there‘s little more I can do but hope things are ironed out smoothly. Will he ask for anything to be ditched. Will Mrs T be seeing it again? Hectic at work today; there‘s a lot to do in a short time, to prepare for the launch‘.
But it was two steps back on the following day, the 19th January:
‘What a day. Mellor flipped over the gay work, so a complete readjustment is necessary. BMP creatives will not be pleased. We are dropping photos and changing copy left right and centre. I‘m feeling mentally exhausted by it all. I was in fact still working on my own ‘Sex Love and Life’ project in my spare time, in tandem with developing the gay adverts at work. This evening I did the boards for Cleancut‘s tapes to shows at the NOVCAN conference, they look pretty good I think.
Then by Monday 23rd January:
‘A long weekend stint at the conference, with me both showing the ‘Sex, Love and Life’ films to the audience and also (separately) doing a speech about the proposed HEA gay work, both seemed to go down quite well I think’.
The following week I got a break, away to Amsterdam for a long weekend with my boyfriend Joe and we marvelled at how everything was able to be more explicit there, than in the UK.
‘As usual I got searched going through customs again. No major embarrassments as I had deliberately left this diary at home. Still got bad memories when they read half my diary at customs, coming back from Australia. God, I was so furious!’
Then back in the UK and a week later, on Monday 30th January, one step forwards:
Such a relief, we’re running with the press conference at work. We managed to sort all the ministers concerns out in the end without having to water things down a huge amount more, thank god. The gay posters are ready too! Dinner with Philip R, I told him how I used to have a huge crush on him years ago. Glad he finally knows.
Then, just a few days later, two steps back again, by Thursday 2nd February:
Not well yesterday, cancelling things left right and centre. Headache and sore throat. The campaign preparation ploughs ever onwards. Worries about reaction of mainstream media and tacky stories dredged up by The Sun etc. Showing of my ‘SLL’ film at Four Corners tomorrow ( a community based production workshop, in Bethnal Green) .
A week later, on Saturday 11th February I was attending what became a regular event for some time, a one day HIV/AIDS conference in south London, to discuss current trends, update peoples knowledge and look at planned action:
To the all day HIV/AIDS conference at the South Bank Poly here in London, quite interesting with a rather dry, academic keynote speech by Cindy Patton and reports back from Project Sigma’s research on gay men, which was really interesting, a really useful piece of research.
The press conference came and duly went on Tuesday 16th February, with no great hitches:
The press conference went quite well today even though Pink and Capital Gay didn‘t turn up. Him, Gaytimes, Bisexual group rep, along with THT and London Lighthouse reps were there. Amanda (Amanda Bradshaw who was heavily involved in helping develop the work in the AIDS division as a consultant for many years) seemed to think it went well enough. Certainly the sandwiches disappeared rapidly enough. Maybe it‘s going to work out well after all?
The work duly started coming out in the gay press, with posters sent to clubs and pubs to use (see images Ritts press ad and poster).
Over the following weekend though I got away from it all for a few days and was away with Joe, seeing Richard and Lisa, the two I’d met in Florence all those years before. They had moved to Norwich and had two lovely children, Alexa and Joseph.’ They‘re a little boisterous but nice kids. Sense of time flying along, it’s been agreed at work that Derek and I will go to the big San Francisco AIDS conference in March now.
Very little about work for a while which usually meant that things were simply ticking over; on the 8th March:
To my own men’s support group tonight (I was going to a mixed men’s group now, composed of around eight of us): Discussed what are the feelings we don’t allow ourselves to feel? Me: jealousy, envy, sloth, greed, hate and joy. What do we not allow ourselves to show in the group? Me: anger, egotism, lust, despair, boredom, dislike and perversion.
And on Sunday 12th March:
To Brighton yesterday with Joe, Catnips Hotel. Strange name for a place. A bit stoned. Joe thought it was amusing when I said out loud ‘you can always rely on Marks and Spencers‘ wine‘ and some man behind me said ‘Silly Old Queen‘. He said I went scarlet. Dennis has been feeling very depressed this last week about friends of his with AIDS and really worried about what the next couple of years will hold.
However by the 17th March things were coming to a head about my role at the HEA and the duties I was assigned there, highlighted in particular by the seeming impossibility of getting the first gay leaflet (Gay Men and Safer Sex) signed off by the Department in any shape or form that we deemed would be seen as ‘useful’. Derek and I had a long meeting where I aired my concerns about it. Derek summed up our discussion in a paper he copied me into.
The main issues for discussion seem to be around the issue of role and whether or not that provides for autonomy or independence. The best example being the advertisements.
This is clearly the most public of any of our work and as such is the most controversial , along with being the one which prompts most ‘anxiety‘ to officials both inside the HEA and outside. Anxiety is in italics, I don’t think it needed to be.
The contentious matter may well be the imagery used. The problem all project officers have is trying to second guess what is acceptable and what is not acceptable, as such we all operate as individuals without any clear guidance from the DOH. If we are to make any progress at all in terms of evolving a more independent line we must develop the confidence of the Dept demonstrating that we can handle the work without, as they would seeit, causing them embarrassment. Clearly though the final decision lies with Susan (Perl , the AIDS Division head at that time)on these matters and she has some fairly definite ideas in terms of images that should be presented in the current political climate.
The next point relates to discussions around the Gay men’s advisory group and its role within the context of the men‘s project. Firstly, when do we consult them and secondly are they an integral part or on the periphery of the project. Due to the colourful history of this group it‘s appropriate for us now to have a frank exchange of views with its members particularly in view of your desire to extend its membership and enhance its decision making process.
The issues are that you have said a) you would like to involve them more directly, b) you want to increase the membership , c) to see if we can offer consultative payments for the sessions and d) that it must be clear if they represent themselves or organisations. In return we would expect that they understand that we will provide imagery and copy that shows our hopes and aspirations in respect of the Men’s project work but it may not be finally what we can deliver..
He added a proposed schedule for the educational materials we were trying to produce. This included six separate redrafts of copy, the first to cover the SPO’s (Senior Programme Officers- Derek) thoughts, secondly to cover the AIDS divisions thoughts (everyone else), then to the Men’s Advisory group for discussion and comment and then to the Director for a decision about any other external circulation needed, and then to the Dept of Health; then to the Authority heads (Spencer Hagard and the board et al) , to the territorial’s (Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland) and finally (the sixth draft) for that agreed draft to go our publishing department with the agreed text/photos.
This was clearly a laborious process in which the content of the original draft was likely to be amended, watered down, updated, renamed and cut completely. The remarkable thing is perhaps, that we managed to make anything worthwhile come from this convoluted process at all.
However, at the time, this was progress as far as I was concerned, as it clarified the steps we needed to take to get material out and I at least had a process where I could tick these off as it cleared the various hurdles. So actually I regarded this as a positive outcome and as such it’s hardly mentioned in my own diaries. I did tend to note ‘difficulties’ rather than the sweet ‘positives’ in my diary. And anyway, my mind at that time was focused on the international AIDS conference we were about to attend. A week later on Sunday 19th March however, I was still more preoccupied with the goings on whilst out and about ‘on the scene’ in London:
Time speeding by, the San Francisco trip approaches fast. Saturday to the LA wearing Dennis’s leather jacket. I felt super butch in it. Very cruisy there: a guy called Tomas who had been chatting up Joe a few weeks ago was very cruisy and trying to arrange a threesome, Joe not keen though. Fair enough. He’s was great dancer, really hypnotic to watch. I guess he must pick up loads of trade there! Went to the gym today for the first time in ages. Adam was there looking (and perhaps also feeling) super butch too, working out. I’m in lust with him again. Thinking I need to buy a leather jacket of my own!
And yet again, a few days later on Tuesday 21st March:
I ran around like a crazy thing today getting things ‘wrapped up’ before I’m away for two weeks. Bought a nice leather jacket for £85 at High Street Kensington market. Joe, Lisa, to dinner last night with Dennis, who is off to France for two months tomorrow. Everything changes so quickly, sometimes, like the outbreak of a war almost. But everyone adapts back to a routine, to their own normality.
